Its My Business Why I Am Still Single
It's a natural feeling that some who aren't dating will experience. But what's important to note is that being single and feeling lonely are not mutually exclusive qualities. Like me, you can be single and not be lonely. Or, like some others, you can be the opposite. Neither one of these situations is unbelievable: some have the desire to date and some do not. So, it's never okay to assume that someone who isn't in a romantic relationship is feeling alone or abandoned.
Although these feelings may appear, they certainly don't for everyone, myself included. Facebook Icon The letter F. Link icon An image of a chain link. It symobilizes a website link url. Email icon An envelope. It indicates the ability to send an email. Fliboard icon A stylized letter F. Twitter icon A stylized bird with an open mouth, tweeting. Pinterest icon The letter "P" styled to look like a thumbtack pin.
Gianluca Russo There's a common misconception that being single automatically means you're lonely. As someone who is currently living the single life, I can confidently say that this is not true. Singleness allows you to focus on yourself and on self-discovery.
I’m Successful! Why Am I Still Single?
Those words will empower. I thank you for your honesty. It is very much appreciated. Certainly taking the mask off. This includes church folks and family members. So tired of this question. Mandy, I can positively relate to your article. I wish I knew so I can correct it. Thank you for informing me that I am not alone.. You nailed it! No thigh gap here either. Thank you for being so vulnerable. Thank you for sharing. It truly was a blessing to read! Thanks for sharing this with us Mandy, I really need it. Thank you for this post Mandy.
Yes…we are definitely not alone. I think we all have those thoughts. I know personally, I have 2 or 3 different speakers in my mind telling me things. One says…be patient. One says all those negative things about not being good enough, meant to be alone, defective, etc. I prefer to listen to the first voice. I was married for 13 years, so even though I had that, it was not love. It was verbally abusive. I did have children, which is such a blessing.
I have worked on myself for so long and am so ready for a happy, healthy relationship. The one who fits and stays in our lives….? Thank you so much for your blatant honest Mandy. Thank you for putting it into words. So caught up in my own loneliness and past mistakes and experiences I tend to think its only happened to me. I will definitely be checking out your blog from here on out. You open my soul and spoke my truth. How will you make a living? Do you have a plan for that?
Why in do women still need a man to validate or make them feel pretty? After being married for almost twenty years I enjoy my life to the fullest. It so refreshing to have no one to report to, no one to share with to just be selfish with me in a good way. I have discovered that what most women crave is a fantasy, some really crave sex, whilst some crave companionship but the best company that anyone can have and enjoy is there own.
The first step to enjoying singleness is acceptance and being ok with it. I actually make myself blush when I look at my reflection. I felt the way you guys do when I was married lol. I needed to hear that! I am trying to better myself and I do each day and accept myself a little more. Of corse it helps to better yourself bc it makes acceptance a lil easier. Baby steps. Thank you for this. Made some very bad choices and decisions that have effected not only my life but my kids as well.
They are young adults now but I can see the damage if caused them in my decision making. Single life is just what I feel I deserve my fears and insecurity is overwhelming majority of the time. Thank you Mandy for allowing others to see and fully understand your pain. I stayed strong and walked away eventhough it felt like dying. And, yes, I am embracing the lonliness and processing …… I am scared. Hi Mandy! I hope and pray you could read this, honestly this day you crossed on my mind.
And when I tried to type in the SW website. Thank you for sharing this blog. Here:s the ugly truth about me : I wanted to loose 7kg for 45kg so that I can wear bikinis to impress my boy-friends, girl friends and other people. And when I achieve all of those mentioned above. I confessed all of these to the presence of God and you. Because now I feel that it is selfish for me to think of myself and my dreams.
Being single is not hard. Being married is hard. I have been single for the last 5 years I am 40 and I honestly think these have been the best 5 years of my life. Is it easy? Is it scary? Yes sometimes. It just comes with a different set of worries. I have been on both sides. Because your life has been what it is, you are a successful and powerful woman.
Your voice is heard by countless amazing women and they look to you for words of wisdom. So own it and love it for as long as this is your life. But know that it is hard…much harder than the single life. No one will love you more than you should and hopefully do love yourself. This has really helped me bring all my fears of being single to the surface. In the beginning I was cool with no lables and no categories, no expectations..
This blog really resignate with me and has struck a big emotional cord in my heart. Thank you for sharing the real raw ugly emotions of being single. Thank you so much for your honesty and for truly making me feel that I am not alone. I appreciate your bravery in sharing your feelings. I am so happy that a stumbled onto your blog. The last month I have been struggling more than usual about my loneliness and desire to have a man in my life. It has been pounded in my head over and over that my desire to have a man is so unhealthy and that God is all I need.
I miss being hugged and loved on. I praying and asking God to give me patience in waiting for my Prince Charming. Blatantly honest…a rare quality today. At a few years older than you, and while still raising a young son, I find myself in exactly the same situation. Then I realized that it was way more than that. Thank you for the inspiration, and I hope one day this norm will just vanish in vain.
Thanks for the article. I got divorced two years ago, it was a toxic relationship and he came out as transgender. Found that out through Facebook , it was safe to say that I had pretty much given up hope after that. Your article basically opened my eyes to the real truth of why I struggled with my self esteem for all these years and I thank you for that. Love is painful and pleasurable.
It looks beyond the physical to the soul. To love and be loved for who you were created to be not just a lie or concept of who or what you should be. I am 36 and looking singledom in in the face again. There has to be something wrong with me to make men treat me this way. I must be broken. Thank you thank you thank you! After awhile my esteem was under attack. Thank you for being brave, strong and vulnerable by sharing your true feelings with all of us out there who may or may not be in the same boat as you.
Almost all of my cousins are married and most have kids. I want to share the love in my heart with someone who wants to do the same with me. I feel like I deserve that when I have so much to give and offer. Why would God not want to bless someone with what I have to offer, and bless me with someone who feels the same way? And I want to believe and trust that is true, but still single and no kids or marriage at the age of 39 really has me questioning things.
I will continue to pray, not only for myself, but for every woman out there who struggles with being lonely and single. Thank you for writing this. I just turned 36 and have been single for the past 10 years. Still stuck on my high school sweetheart who has married and have kids. When your eighteen or even twenty-one you think you have your whole life ahead of you.
You think you have all the time in the world to get it right for everything to fall into place. You have to LOVE yourself enough and try to live life to the fullest everyday. Let go of the past and embrace the uncertain future. That is okay. I just never thought I would still be saying this same speech in my mid to late 30s. I just get sad on some days at seeing what others have and longing for the feel of what having a family feels like, even with all the fights and ugliness. I mean, for the most part, I do. I am very much a person that enjoys some part of everyday, but it is just hard to accept that this is my life right now.
I never would have thought I would still be single at 38, living in an apt because I cannot afford a house on my own just yet. It is so hard to go through holidays alone and to want so much to go on a trip with a significant other, but know that it is not going to happen. I am tired of putting up a happy face front so others are comfortable around me. To me, being single SUX. But, being in an unhappy, toxic relationship is far worse. I at least have my beautiful dog, Sadie Jane. I am grateful that I came across this blog where I can be honest and say what I am feeling without judgment of the people who have what I long for so much.
Thank you,. Ever since I was 16 boys always made me feel like they can do better than me and I ways lady to other females. Now that 24 going 25 and men still make me feel the same way. I had one real boyfriend and he treated me horrible for 3 years. I been single since the break up. He makes everyone feel special but me. My friends are married with kids so I barely have anyone to go out with.
I have been feeling really down. I have been cheated on in the past and the great love of my life said he never wanted children or marriage I finally left him alone we would break up and get back together and as much as l loved and wanted him I could not endure anther break up after seven years.
I have sad ever day since and my other two serious relationships one left me and married the women he left me for the other was also never get married and he is also married. Even though it hurts so bad I have to believe that God has someone for me that will not cheat on me or be controlling and verbally abusive. I also have no kids am an only child have no nieces or nephews. I feel really out of touch with others because most people have all these things thanks for letting me vent my frustrations. But I am alone. I literally have no friends and have no idea where to even begin to make any.
I feel …. This seriously made me feel not so alone in my singlehood.
Day Eleven: Why I’m Still Single (The Ugly Truth)
I think we all have flaws. And a real person with real interest in someone will look to help each other see its only what they see themselves in regards to flaws. Real people see flaws in each other and if they can deal with them, they will love each along side them. Two exes call me and I hooked back up with them hoping to be involved in a healthy relationship but instead I got a phone call from the both of them with the girls saying they will not be calling me again.
I needed this today. So any update from the people commented in or from the blogger herself? I would love to know what you guys have been up to? Are any of you happier now? Enjoying life after spending time alone? Or did you managed to really stay single for almost a year? Did you really allow your time to heal and date yourself or have you dated anyone? Or now in a relationship? Or maybe hurt again?
Have you moved on? How was it? Any achievements? Thank you! I am so sick of People saying you dont need a man! Sick of hearing you need too love you before you can love any one else! We all want to be loved! I LOVE my self! BUT I feel bad for my self! I have lost the love of my life ,,Been cheated on…over looked …and criticized…. I am jealous…. My fear is never finding the right partner,never having another baby and in a way completin my family.
I have one son but I always wanted him to have his own sibeing to grow up with. No boyfriend throughout high school. Married at 19 to a guy I knew only 5 month. Divorced 9 years later at At first I relished singlehood and independence. Likelihood of marriage at my age is very slim. Irritating to say the least. Widowed 10 years ago and it was like you read my mind and heart. I have all those same feelings every day. I was married at 18 had my 1st child 5 months later and second child in the same yr I then had my 3Rd 2yrs later and my last 3yrs later, in them yrs my husband had two affairs resulting in 2 children, I tried to divorce him on adultery but he wudnt be honest,so I let him divorce me on unreasonable behaviour I just wanted out, I then married again a few yrs later I knew he liked a drink but not to the extent.
Im 48 and I have vowed to stay single till the day I take my last breath. Sorry but been thro hell over 30yrs and too much hurt,heartache and my wall is back up. But the loneliness is annoying. Thank you for this, made me smile. Oh my word, girl. You are exactly what I longed for forever. There are gentle, caring men out here who want to know what you need.
And want to fulfill those needs, and want someone to cherish. After being taken for granted for 25 years, I almost gave up, too. But after 5 years of looking, and hopng against hope, I found her six years ago. I cannot put into words how happy we are together. God listens to your anguish, and God will deliver. And I am no fundamentalist Bible-thumper. Those people put me off. And then it will only make sense in retrospect. It has been A very hard life! And my loneliness and depression has caused a lifetime of alcohol and drug addiction!
It is the only way I can make thru this ugly life of mine! I thought I was the only one That God has forgotten about! Bad Things have always happen in my life! I will be glad when my life is over! Thank you for writing this and NOT pretending that everything is cheeky and wonderful. After all, isnt that kind of fakeness what keeps many out of the Church? Im My husband left me and according to stae marriage laws, it takea two to marry but one to divorce you and I have no legal right to stay married.
What a crock. It has devastated my, destoryed my life. I have no Biblical right to ever remarry and have no children so I know my cross is to bear these things. I pray everyday my husband will come home and for his salvation. Its so messed up. I struggle every single day and cannot tell you how horribly dreams and lives are broken through divorce. Singlehood sucks. I so needed this thank you for your comments. I have also started to feel very disheartened…. It hurts, it is hard! I just know they feel my sadness sometimes and I wish they didnt!
First of all, i like your writing style. And i just read that beautiful, heartfelt story…i am like you. But i am just younger, And i never remember my being beautiful. But he was too for me. Anyway i am sorry i have no self respect or self esteem or etc.. What would you do? For example when i have my hair cut, i cannot look at the mirror. Maybe i should commit suicide.. Sucks so bad. Thank you so much for posting this. I had a relationship my senior year in high school and that was it. Am 36 now. Years of viewing myself as abnormal not because of the dating stuff maybe attracted some very unhealthy people around me, but they always took off pretty fast too.
I am trying to love myself more, but it is difficult when no one is interested…hence, repeat vicious cycle. Not saying our problems are the same, but just needed to vent honestly. I feel like your writing my life story. Every word is perfect. My life ugh!!
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- Living my whole adult life as a single man;
I think the worst part of singleness is that constant cloud of sadness hanging over your head. It has to do with a jumble of thoughts that have been rolling around in my head. God wants us to take action. Stop waiting for the right guy to just show up at church, the coffeeshop, etc. Nope, I have to make an effort to meet people. Same goes for datinvg someone. What am I doing to hinder my relationships? Let Him lovingly discipline and correct me through conviction from the Holy Spirit.
Is there something I need to do? Joyce Meyer tells of a woman whose life was at a standstill. She stubbornly brushed it off, but finally, she realized it was the Holy Spirit speaking to her and she forgave her sister. I plan to stop and really listen to God about what I need to do in order to move forward. God means for us to have joy in all stages of life. We need balance! God is good all the time, and all the time God is good.
I was so close to being engaged earlier this year. We picked the ring, he put a deposit on it. I was crushed. I wanted a husband a little baby — my own little family. It was ripped from me in an instant. Especially since all my friends are part of a couple. It just hurts. So badly. What a great article!! Why are they so lucky and when is my turn coming? No guy ever approaches me, I laugh, I smile, I am friendly and honest and nope all the compliments come from women. Anyway, thank you for letting me vent. I feel you, Mandy. When in actual fact, I feel lonely, depressed and hopeless.
The thought that I still have not given myself to a man means I am truly ugly and a loser and a piece of dirt. God is cruel how can he love me if he made me ugly and unwanted. He wants me all to himself or he is the only one that loves me what a complete jerk he is. I hate this I hate this so much. I feel like screaming! My one true love dumps me. So what is wrong with me? I am a CBT therapist yet struggle to even practice what I preech. I thought I had found someone, someone who would be a great partner in life.
He has is own fears and let those fears take over the relationship. I fear that I will be alone forever. I live in a small town in a rural part of Idaho. I like where I live however, I fear that by staying here I will be lessening my chances of finding someone because its so small and the man-child capital of the state. I fear being left again, I fear being left and I fear I will continue down this road of dating misery, forever! I creating my single life destiny, a self fulfilled prophecy?
I am single 36 yr old woman. I am extremely shy and introvert. I am scared and overthink everything. I thought i was pretty but now i understand i am not. I am obese, very short, with thinning hair, pot belly, an overbite , bulbous protruding squinty eyes and a teeth gap. My father and brother r alcholics and i have lived watching them fight and abuse my mom and sis in law. I am over qualified. I have a postgraduate degree and dictorate and a high level job. I believe i dont deserve to be on top. These r a few of the reasons why i am single. I feel sad and hurt and ashamed when i see my neice and nephews getting married and having kids.
My life sucks. I came across this article and said…wow! I ask myself every day or so, why did God leave me alone? I am so angry sometimes I could scream!!! I read somewhere that serial killer Charles Manson married while he had been incarcerated, yet there seems to be no one in the free sane world for me? There is light at the bottomless pit of singleness for me. For those singles who want a family, take a deep breath and let it go, along with the burden of being single.
Create your own story that does not end with you dying alone. Thank you Thank you Thank you!!! I get so tired of the have faith phrase. I have faith. I have even tried dating sites. Trying to figure out what have I done so bad that has cost me ever having the love of my life…even down to questioning does GOD really love me? I mean the Strongest desire I have right now is to be married. I am praying for GOD to take that desire away. I wanna be free from it if it is not his plan for my life. The hardest part, for me, is not being single. I can actually appreciate certain moments of my singleness now.
Like the weight I no longer feel waiting on some guy to call or show up or make me feel worthy. And those days of playing detective, only to uncover the ugly truths I never really wanted to face, are gone. THAT is the hardest part about being single for me. To have had love. A great love. An unconditional, honest, pure, and beautiful love. And to have been too young and stupid to have appreciated it. They say if you have chemistry you only need one other thing: Timing. But timing is a bitch.
So here I am, single. Not at all how imagined my life would be at I imagine I could have been happily married with a kid or two by now. Instead, I chose to walk away from the love of life. I guess I thought I could do better. I was only 19 when we met and 27 by the time I ended things. I thought I might have been missing out on other options. I wanted to know what else was out there.
That was my biggest mistake and if I could go back in time and take it all back I would. In a single heartbeat. Enough to know that my soulmate is the one man I left behind at And now he is with someone else and I put him there. Is it really better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all? If you ask me, no way. What they failed to mentioned was that your heart will break every day, over and over again, searching for the love it once felt only to come back empty every time. Mandy, you spoke not only your heart, but the heart of myself and pretty much every other single woman.
Your fears are my fears. As much I love your positivity and encouragement, which has uplifted and kept me going many days, I adore your vulnerability in also sharing the ugly truth. Join clubs where you meet other middle-aged people. Take up a hobby. If 70 and 80 year olds can find love, then so can you. Just never give up. Well i was certainly raised by very good parents, and so many women today were raised by very bad parents. The good old days were certainly the best since many men and women had to really struggle to make ends meat, so women had no choice since they had to accept their men for who they were when both men and women had no money to begin with which many men and women had to live with their parents.
That is a good reason why marriages lasted a very long time, and our parents, grandparents, aunts and uncles had very long marriages back then. So since the times have changed, so have the women which certainly explains why there are so many of us single men today. You contradicted yourself.
Most of the women I know make more money than the men they are in relationships with. Many of us are about all those other things a good man can provide such as support, companionship, physical intimacy, love, loyalty, family. She could have married the next suitor so her kids could eat, but she refused to go down that road again. I take great offense to any suggestion that women and their children should be put in that situation again just so some men can have their egos rubbed.
Older men exclude older women. You can realistically expect to have your cake and eat it too. Men are very very very picky and idealistic. It is what it is. Very True Story. My cousin went to a singles dance with his friend many years ago and saw this girl that he was very attracted to which he said to his friend that someday i will marry her. And God punishes many of us Single men and women that would had certainly wanted the same thing. Go Figure. One very good reason many middle aged men are cynical and jaded about relationships is the financial ruin that many go through after their partner files for divorce.
Roughly three quarters of divorces are initiated by women. All the loneliness in the world is far more preferable to me than the wreck. I still wear my ring, not as a reminder of the past relationship but rather, as a deterrent. Much to the dismay of most of my friends and family, I have decided that staying single is a far better choice for me. My brother just went through a nasty divorce. As you stated, you are not alone. Stories like yours and my brothers make me feel a bit better about never getting married.
Good luck going forward. Everybody loses. I find myself going through longer and longer phases of loneliness, terrible loneliness. I have a lot of women friends and do socialize with them during the week, but nights and weekends are reserved for their families husbands,children and grandchildren. I am kind of their touchstone to another life, the single middle aged woman friend. I passed up marriage for a career that never really materialized. No children although I did want to have children. I should have cut my losses and moved on but we spent years trying to be friends.
Why I ask myself? I should have started dating in a serious way, but instead I closed down and really gave up. I am 53 now and I look back and see clearly how I passed up trying and being open to finding a husband and father for the children I wanted and the family life I wanted. I am very alone and no one in my life really knows how alone. My married friends have no clue how difficult it is to date now. I would rather keep my loneliness to myself and fill my time when I am not working with my interests.
I am single because men I meet and date just want sex and are not serious about commitment. I watch porn once in awhile but i still want to spoil somone with love and affection. I even consider myself attractive too but seems nobody wants commitment these days. My last partner i made clear my feelings. Even after sex i tried many sweet gestures to win her over to no avail, i stayed with her when she needed me and tried to make her laugh and happy, always respected her feelings.
Then when i finally gave up and stopped trying we met up again 3 months later while she had a new bf that she decided to come out and tell me about, i didnt ask. I said congrats and continued my work. Same night she showed up an hour later to ask if i wanted to makeout after im off work. I looked at her with my broken heart and just walked away saying nothing. She claims to my old friends she had too many booze that night. Every relationship ve been in was very similiar. Just people taking my love for granted and me getting fed up with it over time.
I have been in a very similar situation me being in your shoes and it really sucks! I understand being scared to open up again. Same with me, although to add that every time I talk to a guy, he immediately wants to rush into a relationship. No guy that I have come across ever want to take his time to get to know me. Guys, if you are reading this…. Keep doing your thing. Stick behind your beliefs and what you do and believe in yourself. One day, a woman will see that and be attracted to the qualities she sees.
23 Ways Single People Are Better: The Scientific Evidence | Psychology Today
Change your job, work out, get manicures, etc….. Some really attractive and nice men stay single or fail every one of their relationships because of the stuff that was explained here. Sometimes looks are the issue, but not always. As far as I know, I even think self-esteem is more of an issue working out and stuff as you said can help improve it, but people, me included, should above all learn to love and accempt themselves. I could do all of the things you say because I used to and end up with a superficial, stupid and annoying wife that I have no love for.
Today the times are certainly much different than it was back then, and it definitely was so much more Easier finding love at that time. There are really No good places to go anymore since they had single clubs other than the bar scene without drinking, and they had a lot of church dance for singles too. Well that certainly explains why our parents, grandparent, aunts and uncles had it much easier at the time, and many of them are still together as i speak.
Why should it be the men who have to change? Why not the woman? Why is it always that the woman does the deciding? Why is it that we must meet her standards? Sure women have the pressure of having to look pretty and all, but men have the pressure of both looking good and having to do the asking. There is always talk about the lack of equality between men and women, and I agree with a lot of it, but no one ever mentions this.
That men have to do the asking and seek approval, and women do the deciding. How sad are many of the responses. I had all those excuses and more when I was single, and stubborn, and picky and I thought happily single. Then I met my now husband and can now study, and work, and care for my family and pets…and go on holidays and with friends and still have a loving comfortable home-life to come home to. My husband shares all that with me, and makes life and all of the above infinitely easier.
So none of those are valid reasons. Someone who truly loves you will wait while you do your homework each night, surely? Other people think they will vanish or self-combust if they are not in a relationship, and will try to be in one no matter what the cost is. This was one of the best articles on this subject I have read in a long time.
I found it brilliantly insightful and illuminating. I find this exceptionally ironic for two reasons: 1 This article was not meant to be all-encompassing; that is, it offered only some reasons—eight 8 to be exact—why people OFTEN stay single, making it crystal clear that these reasons do NOT necessarily apply to EVERYONE; and, 2 If some people feel so authentically comfortable and justified and happy with their choices for remaining single, then why did they take the time to seek out this article, read it, and then comment on it?
One thing that makes it impossible for me to date is that I never jump on the chance to have an interaction with a woman. They need somebody, but nobody needs you specifically. You are nobody in the sands of dating possibilities. So why act? I have this wall that I feel like I need to be perfect in order to date somebody. God created you and because of that, you have value. He sees you. Our world today likes to teach us from early childhood that we are a random accident of evolution.
It is not true; God created everything. I believe your most critical need is to have a personal relationship with your Creator, who loves you. I would encourage you to find a Bible online or in print and read Genesis history of the world , Psalm , and the book of John—the fourth book of the New Testament. Best to you. I just got out of a 12 year marriage.
Trying to be a husband and parent at the same time put me and especially her under a huge amount of stress. So what have I come to conclude? No friends-with-benefits. No casual sex. As such, I am a control freak times a million. My life is SO sheltered and scripted, and when people try to be spontaneous or change things I present them with super huge resistance. Foot dragging, procrastinating, whining, complaining. Forget it! Why put people through that?! So — to add to this otherwise exceptional article, I think sometimes people like me have mental illness that just makes a relationship too impractical.
Look how hard relatively normal people struggle to work on and maintain their relationships. Can you imagine how hard it is for someone with NPD to please their partners? Can you imagine how someone living with an NPD must feel? I read their accounts online and it just makes me sad — how much sadness and emptiness people with my illness cause others. The last women who showed interest in me was politely rejected. She was disappointed and I found it very sweet that someone could be interested in a guy left with so little — so little to offer. Little did she know, I was doing her a massive favor!
I am just so entrenched in this personality disorder that I may never change at all, or if I do change, not enough to make a good companion for someone. I want to make a positive difference in my life and the lives of others. I have to combat my mental illness. Not within a relationship. I found your answer to be one of the most sincere, but self deprecating. I just do better single and am not that great in relationships. I feel like relationships bring out the crazy in me.
Wow, yeah. I must have been in a real heavy mood the day I wrote that piece! But, the shoe does fit. This is even when I try to be mindful, and giving and appreciative. Anyways, thanks for the reply. Normally when I come out with that stuff people can be rather… judgmental. Self-depreciating or not, some people are just in rough shape and really should maybe avoid romantic relationships.
That is very refreshing to see that you own it and have processed it. That takes a lot of self awareness and courage. Well there are many of us men that really hate being Single, especially when we have a very hard time meeting a Good Woman to spend the rest of our life with, and Loneliness is very much a Curse for us too. Someone decided we would have a credit crunch though about 9 months before I was gonna hit the real big time….
Then, I kind of projected all that feeling for her I suppose on to this other chick I used to know, I had previously known her from school. All the real problems I had were still waiting for me, change the circumstance, change the man….. Saved some cash and went travelling, and boom I was off again, banging backpackers, waitresses, receptionists, cleaners, sales women, 1 journalist even, all sorts of chicks, left, right, centre…I could tell you how to do it, I can tell you what to say, I know exactly what is required to get laid, I even wrote a blog on it for a couple years….
Anyway, my travelling days came to an end, and I came home. Thanks for the article. Gives me something to think about and act upon. Reading some of the comments, it seems like many are in denial …. This is the best articles and all the comments are very interesting… I am a single mother of 17 yrs old boy. Your solitary days will be no more, for tomorrow is safe in my hands. Merry Christmas mommy, love you so much. I can identify with certain of the points of the article: low self-esteem and a mixed sentiment of a fear of intimacy. Starting with the latter, in my early 20s, I lived my first, which happened to be a long distance relationship, with somebody.
During that time, I was unaware of the other relationships that she was engaged in. Tragically, I learnt that she had been sexually assaulted over the course of that year. I was confused, filled with contempt and compassion. It is important to forgive, but to never forget. About a decade later, I gave another shot at being in a relationship. We liked each other, but there was no love. I think was expecting too much.
In fact she was too intelligent for me on a social and logical level. When my work ran out, I moved again, thinking that I loved her. She asked not to be contacted, but I would have liked to at the least keep a friendship going. Very good article. Single, 35 years old female, educated and good job. As a woman I do not understand this. I am not sure what woman would accept a man being continuously unemployed and doing little about it. I still looked past it and stayed positive. I am shallow and admit it. If I can make time to look good for you, then I feel you can try to look good too.
For the men who replied saying they are good guys but think they are unattractive, you can change that. One reader posted that all the good ones are taken, this is true because those men have lives in order and want to move to the next phase. The remaining ones do nothing to change, look like cavemen, or is a whore. Nobody wants a dictator. I am My problem is that all the women within my age range are either divorced with children, or have children. It is one thing to have preferences, but nobody wants someone telling someone what to do.
Drink water? Come on. Of course I get the weirdos and the garden variety creeps. Like people with staring problems. There is this old saying I learned long time ago, steer clear from the ladies staring at you as they are looking for lust, and unclean. I am destined to be alone, period. People do so much to tick me off on a daily basis, in fact my head would explode if I tried. I keep trying and failing. Lots of sex and lots of dates but nothing solid. I have no idea why. I wish I could secretly interview all these women to find out why am I always used as the boy toy and never a potential partner.
And sometimes if we look real closely we might find we have higher expectations for our partners than we do for ourselves! Not saying you in particular, but a lot of people, a lot of the time. But what about many of us Single people that really hate to be Alone? And i am sure a lot of the other men and women out there would certainly agree with me too.
Really meeting the right person is very hard nowadays since the Divorce rate is so out of control now, unlike years ago when many men and women did make their marriage work. But otherwise, single people have no idea what that phrase means. Having spent most of my adult life single i know all the difficulties that come with it. But i firmly believe some people are really better off remaining single for their sake and the sake of those they become involved with.
I always knew i was self-centered but thought i could change when i got married. I was wrong. Not long ago during a fight he told me i was the most selfish person he had ever met. That was quite a blow. While he is no picnic basket he does give to others more than i do. I know i have compassion for the less fortunate but never learned to be a very giving person, or at least it would seem.
In any relationship you have to give a lot.
Make sure you are ready. You know, it was stated that a bad routine of work and staying in is almost a fault of our own making. My ex lives four states away and only sees our kids every other weekend. I have no interest in bringing a bunch of men around my kids and as a single mother; I am barely able to keep up with work, a household and all the demands of my children. Absolutely not. It means that every other Friday night if I am not working a 6th or 7th day for the week , I am dying to put my feet up with that glass of wine and put the TV on.
Not because I am avoiding intimacy, but more because in those moments, I have no demands put on me. So, I ask this question- where and does a person that is genuinely exhausted meet someone else that has just as much on their plate to share this insanity called life with? I like the idea of being in love and having a relationship, but the theory is different from reality. I think I am lucky to be divorced. Each day that goes by I am stronger being single.
I am not alone — I have kids, family, friends… even my ex-wife is a part of my life now, just in a different and limited way. Was she impossible to please? Some say she was pretty demanding and unwilling to compromise… Or was I putting too much effort into the wrong things? Did I just miss the boat entirely? I am going to enjoy this summer, free from what felt like a whole lot of work and frustration only to have an unappreciative audience at the other end of it.
And connecting with the right person for us is very Difficult for us right now, especially for us Good men looking for a Good woman to settle down with. I think that some people want to have ralation but dont know about true contact and what say and how say first time. I think am just ugly. My height has also contributed. Otherwise some of us wish we had them. I used to be very successful at dating until I was 26, and after that, everything went downhill quickly. Today with almost 31 years old, I have been years without dating, except from maybe a date every 9 months, after which the girl usually wants to know nothing about me anymore.
Maybe they are right. With so many very high maintenance women out there these days it certainly makes it very hard for us good single men meeting a good decent one today. I found this really helpful. I am still lost but mostly because i cant tell which or how many of these are the true cause of my problem.
I am only 17 and am by no means dying for a relationship but i was begining to think that there may be smothing wrong with me. I have always been a little more observant than other kids and when i was in the first grade and girls where already fighting over guys t date i was disgusted. I began to think i was aromantic or asexual and that maye i was better off with just friends. The problem is most people are selfish and self-entitled. Hi, My situation is weird I read some comments who would agree with me.
But, nobody shows interest in me the way I wanted — serious relationship! To find someone suitable for you, is to find someone who shares the same things as you not everything, can be a couple of things , wants the same things in life as well. For the most part why relationships break, is lack of proper communication nagging adds stress to partners , lack of common interests and always giving negative energy. When I find guys, I am looking for common interests, hobbies, views on certain things, something that complements my life and vise versa.
The other dating site is way better and more details, 5 categories with percent matches etc. One more thing, children needs a stay home parent to teach and raise their kids and not strangers, that is why some females are looking for a financially stable men! Yeah I agree with other comments. Sometimes I just sit and think that maybe I will never have a man In my life because I am not attractive,or maybe God wants me to focus on Him. I always wanted someone to compliment my goals and aspirations.
I fall into the category of dating adventagous men. It is amazing that the workforce makes you into someone that must succeed higher than the mom just working to put food on the table or compared to the other single woman whom holds herself as a powerhouse with the boys club. For me being single has been more of a curse than a blessing. I am 26 years old about to 27 next month and I have found that special someone I do see myself with for the rest of my life.
In the beginning we did have something special going but now it has deteriorated due to my lying manipulation and other dumb things I have done to anger her. I grew up being bullied not only at school but at home too. My friend gave me the strength to get away from them for good so I can finally start my adult life.
Technically I am single because of the things I have done to hurt my friend and I have to prove to her that I can treat her right. I am in the process of changing my demeanor how I think act and everything so I can prove to her I can be the man she always dreamed of. By all means I am not looking for any sympathy or people to coddle me. Seriously my parents did enough of that shit to me which made me what I am right now a little pussy. I have found that just I need to get better and change. Lol this is what happens when you wake up in the middle of the night with your mind racing and once you get to rolling, you trip over yourself.
I think relationships are give and take nothing is easy in life. But a miserable relationship is not good once people feel taken for granted the resentment sets in which is the beginning of a downward spiral. This situation can be just as bad for both men and women. I m alone.. I am a man, 38 years old, and alone and probably will be alone for whatever the remainder of my days are. I was married for 16 years and with her 18 years. The separation is just over two years and the divorce is just under a year. She held a burning contempt for me for the last ten years as I desperately tried to find a way to make her happy, or at least appeased.
Attempting to form and maintain romantic relationships has never been easy for me. It has always been the realm of heartache, embarassment, and pain that I am no longer able to bear. Well dating sites out there make it very tough for us good men looking looking for a good woman to connect with, since many times women will show you what there picture is suppose to look like which it never is. And so many women these days are very high maintenance, independent, selfish, spoiled, greedy, and very picky as well which makes it very hard meeting a good honest one that could Accept us for who we really are since many women today do Prefer men with a lot of Money.
There are days I hate being single and days I love it. With that being said I feel the same way you do but towards men. In my case, I strive to be my best, in and out of relationships. I find I do being single better. I personally do not care how much a guy makes. As long as he has a job or career. I prefer a man who has a sense of humor, loves his family, has friends, has his own interest, and money. Because I have a huge heart, some men tend to take advantage of that. But after a while I just walk away.
No one likes to get used. So dating and finding love have many obstacles. But being honest and open help. I have grown children and am working on my goals. So I guess my status is a woman who has a low tolerance for bs, some games can be fun not mind games , and I am happily a work in progress, even at And i will certainly agree with you as well since it is unfortunately a very bad time for finding real love nowadays for many of us especially for many of us good men that just keep meeting the wrong women all the time instead of just one good woman to make us very happy.
Good luck to you as well. I am 29 and a single guy, l am,concerned with myself very close to 30 years of age trying to ask women out but then get no response get rejected, but feel shameful for not finishing my degree earlier than getting a job, by now then l can go and get that lucky girl, but every time l read my news feed on fb my friends are getting engaged and or just got married seeing them holding hands, just makes me jealous, feel l am not good enough or l am to picking, l freaking out.
Please help me what a start work part time and study to go out with a girl but l am not working just frustrated with myself. There are several levels, the bottom is safety, food, etc, then it goes up from there. Jobs and education fall into a ring below such self-actualizing activities as love, spirituality, etc. That is why a lack of money causes many a break up. I am 42 and widowed for almost 4 years by now. I have to say that I was more content when I was alone by choice than after I resumed dating and experienced all frustrations which come with being single in your 40s and trying to start a new relationship.
Yet these are the two problems that seem devoid of solutions in this article. Neediness works just they way you described it.
4 types of people in relationships, according to “attachment theory”
In reality, men who have none of these qualities are usually the most caring, intelligent, reasonable and trustworthy partners. The confident ones get most quality women because they do not really care whom they are dating. When rejected they just move on and on and on…. Personally, I do not really care about getting a 15th replacement of somebody I initially liked. So what, I am ready to spend another year alone watching movies. Well, that looks so good on paper, and in the psychology textbooks.
I think the reasons are accurate. Unfortunately, the solutions listed are oversimplified. This article really hit home for me. I am tired of being single. I miss dating and talking with guys and I really want a relationship. I am lonely, I am consumed with loneliness. And I hate it. I see people and I am so envious of them, envious of the fact that they have someone to be with, they have someone to come home to, someone to love and talk with and share their time with, travel with. I miss all of that. And my last relationship was horrible that I am questioning is love and relationships are really worth it.
Is there anyone who is honest and mature enough to be real with me? I became interested in girls when I was 12 years old. That was when I was in the 7th grade. I would always have fun talking to them in school. I would hang out with them too.
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When I graduated 8th grade, I went to high school and met a lot of very beautiful hot girls. I would ask some of them if they would want to go out with me or go to dances with me. But unfortunately, they all declined. I was so very hurt by them. It was like, none of them ever found me cute, attractive or good looking. I felt treated and tossed aside like garbage by them.
In , I went to another high school. I met someone that I rode to school with. She was very wonderful. In the spring of , we started talking a lot and hanging out a lot too. When the summer approached, her parents would let come over, visit and spend time with her. I would also go swimming in the backyard pool. Her parents were so good to me. As the years have been passing by after high school, I have been trying so hard to get whet I want.
But every time that I tried, I failed miserably. I really hate being a virgin. My whole life without a girlfriend or a woman to fall head over hills in love with me, my life is complete crap. Friendship with a woman to me, is just not good enough. I have unfriended the women that are in relationships with someone else on fb.
Me not having a girlfriend, makes me feel unwanted, unimportant and nothing. I feel that they have no sympathy and no compassion for me. I gave up on love in July when my exboyfriend dumped me and I got that dumped because I was too Catholic for him. Many people laugh if you tell them premarital sex is a no no, most would never date a virgin, much less a 30 year old one.